Day 2

I love this quote by J.K. Rowling. It provides me hope that with this new rock bottom I hit I too can rebuild my life. And while it's only day 2 I think I have begun to do that.

Today was a pretty good day. I will be honest and say that I did not do all 5 exercises listed. That's not to say I didn't have a busy day filled with distractions. But I'm learning and I will do better tomorrow. I did however get my hair done today! I've been needing a root touch up for so long and I finally decided enough was enough and I needed to take care of how I looked. And I am so happy I did. I feel amazing! :)

I had some pretty strong emotions come up today. Emotions that made me question some things. Things I thought I knew. I was feeling hurt, sad, angry, confused, disappointed. And i felt like giving up on something and someone i believed so strongly in. But later tonight I was watching a movie and like always I had some realizations.

What I'm searching for and want most in my life is true love and acceptance. And if I'm searching for it others must be too. So that is what I have to be willing to give to myself. That is what I have to be willing to give to my family. And that is what I have to be willing to give to my friends. Which means I have to forgive myself and move one. I have to allow myself this time to heal and then let the past be the past. And I have to accept my friends and family for who they are. I cannot set unrealistic expectations. I cannot secretly and not so secretly try to change or manipulate them. For that is not true acceptance or love. And everyone deserves that. So I WILL be a better friend.

I know it's only day 2 but I can already feel a change inside me. Its not easy but for the first time in a long time I feel hope!

"Change happens when the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of changing."