Day 15

Week 3 is designed to captivate and retrain your imagination. You do this with what the book calls mental scripting.

Mental scripting consists of acting out your new behavior in situations where you would normally respond in self-destructive ways. Your imagination is where all the pain and agony live. So according to the cleanse it is time to do some spring cleaning and CHOOSE what you entertain in your imagination. So first you do the work internally. Practice in your mind first. Once you've played out scenes in your mind it's time to play them out in real life.

SO today I got a feeling or what I consider a prompting to make amends for a few things with a couple of people. I had been going over in my mind what I would say to them for weeks. So I thought I had taken care of the internal part. And I really felt like it was time to take responsibility and try to apologize. So i was sure things things were going to work out.

But in all my mental practicing I never considered I wouldn't get a reply from the person or the opportunity to apologize in person. So it kind of threw me and I started to experience some of my old thoughts and patterns. Maybe this is why the book says not to start with something so tough or important.

Anyways I just remembered how much progress I've made and that other peoples choices do not affect how I feel about myself or my emotional well being. I literary had to say that out loud to myself multiple times throughout the day. And it was hard. I was really sad. But I got through it and that's what's it's all about! Reacting differently then before. Not letting things like this destroy me emotionally. Having control over my emotions and feelings!

I really do hope I get the chance to apologize one day soon. I pray every day that I will continue to change for the better, that the hurt I've caused this other person will heal and that they will truly know how sorry I am for everything. But I've done everything I can for now. It's out of my hands.

Just a little while ago my friend Josh Mezin posted a quote on his Facebook that I absolutely loved and I wanted to share.

"We are a product of action. Our current position is not yielded from another's actions alone. Our own actions are the most telling about ourselves. One can choose to let a situation or happenstance bring them down and make them break. But a person that gets back up again no matter how many times they've been down, and continues to work hard to make something of themselves is a person who can achieve anything. You alone set your own boundaries. Anything is achievable if you truly believe in yourself and let nothing or no one stop you. Don't be your own largest obstacle."

So wise Josh! I do my best every day not to be my biggest obstacle! :)